mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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