Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
