OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
