the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
that's an acceptable place to lick
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
