tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
