I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
