PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
