am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
