He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
