he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
