just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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