Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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