come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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