Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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