The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
