Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
