Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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