Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
