do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
