your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
