her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
