So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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