Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
is that a dick in a sweater?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
