the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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