walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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