do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
