I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
