They should really pass out barf bags in church
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
