I'm lost and stupid without you.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude i'm inner monologue high
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
