My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
