Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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