Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
