That's intense
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
