It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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