saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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