in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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