Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
