i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
