True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
