So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
