I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
