You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
