It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
