can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
