I'm lost and stupid without you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
