You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
