TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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