my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
