I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
