dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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