Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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