You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
