I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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